How the Humdinger stole Christmas
This is a story that all should know, it takes place in Adventures Bay, all covered in snow. Ask anyone and they'll have this to say, there's no place to spend Christmas than in Adventure Bay. Every window is decked, all the lampposts are dressed, and the Adventure Bay Band marches in their Christmas-y best. Arbor Day is fine, and Easter is neat, and every Halloween, all kids and pups get a treat. But everyone there knew, from their head to their toes, they loved Christmas the most, so the story goes. Yes, everyone in Adventure Bay liked Christmas a lot, but Mayor Humdinger, who lived in and ran Foggy Bottom, did not. Mayor Humdinger hated Christmas, the whole Christmas season. Oh, please don't ask why, no one quite knows the reason. It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight. It could be his hat wasn't adjusted just right. But I think that the most likely reason of all, may have been that his heart was two sizes too small. But whatever the reason, his heart or his hat, he stood in his lair hating Christmas, and that was a fact. Staring at the screen in his lair, with a sour, mean-looking frown at the warm lighted windows in the neighboring town. For he knew everyone in Adventure Bay, was busy as ever preparing for the big holiday. Mayor Humdinger: And they're hanging up their stockings. He snarled with a sneer Mayor Humdinger: Tomorrow is Christmas, it's practically here! Then he growled with all his fingers nervously drumming Mayor Humdinger: I must find some way to keep Christmas from coming! For tomorrow, I know, all those pups, girls and boys will wake bright and early. They'll rush for their toys and then, oh, the noise! Oh, the noise, noise, noise, noise! They'll make shrieks and squeals racing around on their new sets of wheels. They'll dance with jingle bells tied onto their heels. Then everyone, young and old, will sit down at the Lookout for a feast. And they'll feast and they'll feast, and they'll feast, feast, feast, feast, feast! They'll feast on Christmas pudding, and a rare roasted beast. Oh, any roasted beast is a feast I can't stand in the least. And then, they'll do something I hate most of all. Everyone in Adventure Bay, both tall and small, will stand close together in the town square. With snow falling in the air, they'll have Christmas bells ringing. They'll stand hand in paw in hand, and then they, will start singing! They'll sing, and they'll sing, and they'll sing, sing, sing, sing, sing. And the more the Mayor thought of what Christmas in Adventure Bay would bring, the more the Mayor thought Mayor Humdinger: I must stop this whole thing! Why, for year after year I've put up with it now. I must stop Christmas from coming to Adventure Bay, but how? Then he got an idea, an awful idea. Mayor Humdinger got a wonderful, awful idea! Mayor Humdinger: I know just what to do! The Mayor laughed in his throat. Mayor Humdinger: I'll make a quick Santa Claus hat and coat! He chuckled and clucked Mayor Humdinger: What a great humdinger of a trick! With this coat and this hat, I'll look just like Saint Nick. (First line of "You're a mean one, Mr. Mayor" song plays) Mayor Humdinger: All I need is a reindeer. The Mayor looked around, but since reindeer were scarce, there was none to be found. But did that stop the Mayor? Ha! No, the Mayor simply said Mayor Humdinger: If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead. So he made a robo-reindeer named Max, and took some colored thread, and tied a big antler-like coat rack on the top of his head. Then he loaded some bags and some old empty sacks on his Kitty Carrier sleigh, and he whistled for Max. Then the Mayor said Mayor Humdinger: Giddy-up! And the sleigh started down, towards where the people of Adventure Bay laid a-snooze in their town. All their windows were dark, quiet snow filled the air, all the citizens were all dreaming sweet dreams without care. When he came, to the first little house of the square. Mayor Humdinger: This is stop number one. Old Humdinger Claus hissed as he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fists. Then he slid down the chimney, a rather tight pinch, but he thought if Santa could do it, then it should be a cinch. He got stuck only once, for a minute or two. Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue where quite a few stockings hung all in a row. Mayor Humdinger: These stockings, He grinned Mayor Humdinger: are the first things to go. Then he slivered and he did shift with a smile most unpleasant around the whole room, and he took every present. Then he stuffed them in bags, then the Mayor, very nimbly, stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney. (second line of "You're a mean one, Mr. Mayor" plays) Then he slunk to the ice box. He took some food for the feast, including the Christmas pudding, and even the roasted beast. He cleaned out the ice box as quick as a flash, why that thief even took the very last can of hash. Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee. Mayor Humdinger: And now, Grinned the Mayor Mayor Humdinger: I will stuff up the tree! As the Mayor took the tree, wishing his kittens were there to help him shove, he heard a small sound, like the coo of a dove. He turned around fast and saw a small girl. Little Julia Goodway, who was three years old, or so they say. She stared at the Mayor and said. Julia: Santy Claus, why? Why are you taking our Christmas tree? Why? But you know, that old Mayor was so smart and so slick. He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick! Mayor Humdinger: Why, my sweet little tot. The fake Santa Claus lied. Mayor Humdinger: There's a light on this tree, it won't light on either side. So I'm taking it home to my workshop, my dear. I'll fix up there, then I'll bring it back here. And his fib fooled the child. Then he patted her head, got her a drink, and sent her to bed. And when Julia Goodway was in bed with her cup, he snuck to the chimney and stuffed the tree up. Then he went up the chimney himself, the old liar, and the last thing he took, was the log for their fire. On their walls, he left nothing but hooks and some wire. And the one speck of food that he left in the house was a crumb, which was even too small for a mouse. Then he did the same thing to all the other houses, leaving crumbs much too small for all of the other mouses. (Final part of "You're a mean one, Mr. Mayor" plays) Twas a quarter to dawn, all the people were still in bed, all the pups still a-snooze, when he packed up his sled. He then decided to give it a final end, a crescendo of mean-ness, and went around the bend. Ten thousand feet up. Up the side of Jake's Mountain. He rode with his load to the tip top for dumpin! Mayor Humdinger: What woe for Adventure Bay! He was meanly humming Mayor Humdinger: They'll be finding out soon that no Christmas is coming. They'll be waking up now, and I know just what they'll do. Their mouths will hang open, for a minute or two, then the people of Adventure Bay will whimper, and sob, too. (laughs) That's a noise... Grinned the Mayor Mayor Humdinger: That I simply must hear! He paused, and then the Mayor put his hand to his ear. And he did hear a sound rising over the snow. It started out low, then it started to grow. But, this sound wasn't sad. Why, the sound sounded glad. Everyone in Adventure Bay, the tall and the small, were singing, without any presents at all. He hadn't stopped Christmas from coming, it came! Somehow or other, it came just the same. And Mayor Humdinger with his two feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling. Mayor Humdinger: How could it be so? It came without ribbons! It came without gift tags! It came without packages, boxes, or bags! He puzzled and puzzled until his mind became sore. Then, the Mayor thought of something he hadn't before. Mayor Humdinger (in thought): Maybe, Christmas He thought Mayor Humdinger (in thought): Doesn't come from a store. Maybe, Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more. And what happened then? Well, I'm told in Adventure Bay, that Mayor Humdinger's small heart, grew three sizes that day. And then, the true meaning of Christmas came through, and the Mayor found himself the strength of ten mayors, plus two! And now that his heart didn't feel quite so tight, he whizzed with his load through the bright morning light. With a smile in his soul, he descended Jake's Mountain, while playing his trumpet with the cavalry charge soundin'! He rode into Adventure Bay and returned all the toys, he brought back the gifts for the pups, girls and boys. He brought everything back, all the food for the feast. And he, he himself, Mayor Humdinger, carved the roasted beast. The end